Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Chargers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Los Angeles Chargers. This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team: San Dieg … oh. Oh, right. I have a friend who was a San Diego Chargers fan and disavowed them after the move. But I had COMPLETELY forgotten about all that by April, and texted him for his reaction when they drafted Mike Williams. Like, “Ya like the pick?”-type garbage. Do NOT do this to a former Chargers fan. They don’t forgive you for this kind of oversight. I am a bad friend. Your 2016 record: 5-11. And I think we all remember the best part of it: What a moment. Oh, and I guess there was some football stuff too. Like the time they played it c…
Some people are fans of the San Diego Chargers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the San Diego Chargers. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.
Your team: San Diego Chargers
Your 2013 record: 9-7, including a playoff win! That's amazing! Except that the playoff win came against the Bengals, and therefore does not count.
Your coach: Mike McCoy, who may or may not be Brad Johnson's dad.
Your quarterback: Honorary Duggar family member Philip Rivers, whose wife gave birth to their seventh kid in the middle of last season. SEVEN! A whole goddamn clan of Little Marmalards running around. Rivers is a vocal proponent of Natural Family Planning. The only time he pulls out is from under center. HEY NOW! Sync your intercourse…
Are you busy this afternoon? Probably, because you have a life. However, if you're unemployed or otherwise indigent, get out your scraper because we've reached the very bottom of the college sports barrel. It's time for the EagleBank Bowl! We should start by apologizing to the PapaJohns.com Bowl. Sure, you take place in Birmingham, Alabama, but at least you also make us think of delicious pizza! There is nothing appetizing about EagleBank, a financial institution so rock solid it doesn't even merit its own Wikipedia page. (Unlike each individual episode of "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer".) However, they do have their very own URL and a website that almost works in Firefox. The game is taking place on a Tuesday afternoon, the only day this week that people m…
Time to ring in a new annual tradition around these parts, in which we say horrible, awful things about all the teams involved in the playoffs this year. Let’s do this. I used to love baseball when I was a kid. No lie. I used to watch games, and go through the Twins team stats in the paper each morning, trying to figure out what the acronyms meant. I studied box scores. I looked forward to the Star Tribune’s “Player of the Day” box inside the sports section. I stayed up late to watch playoff games. I used to practice pitches by throwing a plastic pumpkin at the wall in the living room. I did all that gooey, sloppy, corny baseball kid shit. I don’t do any of that anymore. This is because I’m an adult, and baseball is strictly for kids and old people. There’s a reason why ki…
data-mm-id=”_v3f89xe1r”>With the Cleveland Browns' hiring of head coach Kevin Stefanski, all coaching vacancies in the NFL have hereby been filled. Some of these make more sense than others.5. Joe Judge – New York GiantsThis is easily the biggest reach on this list. His previous NFL jobs were all special teams-related, all with the Patriots, making this a massive jump in responsibility. Perhaps it was the connection to the Bill Belichick coaching tree that lured the Giants to Judge, but considering how other Belichick disciples have turned out as head coaches (Romeo Crennel, Charlie Weis, Eric Mangini, Josh MacDaniels), history is not on the Giants' side with this decision. Nor is common sense.4. Mike McCarthy – Dallas CowboysGood news, Cowboys fans. Your coach, notorious for…
data-mm-id=”_ve83t48an”>On March 13, 1990, the NFL held its yearly committee meetings to take care of all things football and business-related. One of the many items on their agenda was deciding the location for the Super Bowl in 1993. After votes were gathered, the committee announced Tempe, Arizona would be the host city for Super Bowl XXVII, and the big game would be played in Sun Devil Stadium three years later. But there was a provision: committee chairman Norman Braman, then the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles, warned Arizona's representatives that if the state did not recognize Martin Luther King Jr. Day as an official holiday, the NFL would host the Super Bowl elsewhere. On March 19, 1991, the league did just that, moving the Super Bowl to Pasadena, CA — and Tempe becam…
data-mm-id=”_xbpr1nlr4″>Over the weekend, Joe Buck offered to do his part in keeping everyone positive during the coronavirus quarantine by doing play-by-play of random videos sent in from his Twitter followers. He started posting the videos today, and it's as great as we all imagined. He starts off with a killer narration of Mina Kimes' adorable dog playing fetch. Here we go…first up is @minakimes and a half-eaten football. Please reply and tag with the charity that you are donating to!!! More to come! pic.twitter.com/q8BuYuutbr— Joe Buck (@Buck) March 24, 2020Next up is a call of some backyard football, which is truly pure content, even if it physically pained me to hear Buck say that a silver Brady Pats jersey is now a throwback. This one might make @patriots fans a …
data-mm-id=”_duerlts8i”>Colin Cowherd is on one today. After claiming that LeBron James is the MVP because he's been so good in the first round of the playoffs throughout his career, Cowherd moved on to Cam Newton and the reason he doesn't have a job. According to Cowherd and an anonymous source, teams don't want Newton because he's too high-profile. There's just too much "celebrity, drama and fashion." "The NFL is telling you what they want with QBs… They don't want celebrity, drama, or fashion." Will Cam Newton be a starting quarterback again? pic.twitter.com/yKDHYEC6Zr— Herd w/Colin Cowherd (@TheHerd) May 28, 2020Tom Brady is every single one of these things and so much more. Yet people assume he'll be back in the Super Bowl…
data-mm-id=”_zmj7ugghr”>It seems only yesterday (because 2020 taught us the passing of time is merely an illusion) that the Boston Celtics were attempting to upset LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers on the shoulders of two youngsters named Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown. With Kyrie Irving and Gordon Hayward both injured, the young Celtics pushed the Cavs to the brink of a seven-game series. Three years have passed since that 2017 Eastern Conference Finals, still looked back upon as the moment Tatum announced to the world he was the next big thing with Brown as his running mate. Now, in the opening days of the 2020-21 season, the Celtics are back in the same place. Hayward is gone, taking a big check from Charlotte to go play with the Hornets. Kemba Walker, brought in to replace Ir…
data-mm-id=”_sososjmqa”>Through two weeks of NFL football, Carson Wentz has played very badly. Like, oh my god what happened to him bad. The Philadelphia Eagles are 0-2 and Wentz leads the league in interceptions. He's thrown exactly two touchdown passes in two games. His 58% completion percentage is the worst of his career. He's been sacked more times than any other quarterback in the NFL, which is partially on the Eagles' banged-up offensive line, but there have been more than a few sacks that fall on the shoulders of Wentz. It has been, shall we say, a rough start. It has also put Wentz squarely in the crosshairs of the hot take industrial complex. Marcus Spears said earlier this week Wentz's play has reminded him of Jameis Winston, which seems a little strong. E…